Love is messy

I love this.
It's the first page to a book i have at home. And to be honest, i've not finished the book, mainly because i can't get past this first page. I hope you enjoy it.


"Love is messy. It is rarely what we think it should be, and we are rarely what we would like to be when we are in love. On one hand we want love to be enough. Yet, on the other hand, we are rarely satisfied with the love we have. So fear and love battle it out.

We become silent when we desperately want to connect. We jump in too fast when we know we must slow down. We act cool when we feel hot. We wake up in the middle of the night to snuggle next to the one we love, yet we barely touch each other during the day. We shout in anger as we pray for patience. We put on an act, then worry we won’t be loved for who we really are. We reach out. We shut down. We run. We doubt. Yet we can’t live without it.

Love is messy. It won’t be confined to our preconceived ideas. We want love to just happen, but love is not convenient. It’s highs are higher and it’s lows are lower than we are ever prepared for. It pushes us past our breaking point, and yet we don’t break. It is unpredictable, then sedate. It tears us up while making us better. It is never what we expect. "

-Rhonda Britten

Lapis Lazuli

Today my status on facebook read: sleepy, addicted to Cheetos, and pretty sure my necklace has magical powers.

I have worn this necklace only a few times in the past week or two and each time i wear it, i am calm and happy. I have literally joked about the powers of my necklace! Well, i did some research today on the type of stone that my necklace is made from. And come to find out, it does have magical powers!!

I have used crystals to clear a space, for healing, for fashion, i've even taught on the power of crystal healing. I don't need to be sold on the idea of the energies in a stone, crystal or rock. But i have never been so effected by a stone before. I believe it found me. :)

I have included some fun info about the stone around my neck......my magical necklace.

Lapis Lazuli

A stone good for the 5th chakra. It helps to open the 6th chakra during meditations. It brings a higher guidance and intuition. It helps you to connect to the Higher Self. It helps to organize and quieten the mind and also brings self expressions, helps with dream insights, writing and creativity. It's a cooling stone, by this I mean it helps to draw fevers out of the body. It calms the nervous system, helps with anxiety and insomnia. It can sooth autism. It also aids with speech and hearing difficulties. Works best with a water cleansing or the moon

Lapis lazuli: Lapis lazuli is a gemstone of the kind that might have come straight out of the Arabian Nights: a deep blue with golden inclusions of pyrites which shimmer like little stars. This opaque, deep blue gemstone has a grand past. It was among the first gemstones to be worn as jewellery and worked on. At excavations in the ancient centres of culture around the Mediterranean, archaeologists have again and again found among the grave furnishings decorative chains and figures made of lapis lazuli – clear indications that the deep blue stone was already popular thousands of years ago among the people of Mesopotamia, Egypt, Persia, Greece and Rome.

It is said that the legendary city of Ur on the Euphrates plied a keen lapis lazuli trade as long ago as the fourth millennium B.C., the material coming to the land of the two great rivers from the famous deposits in Afghanistan. In other cultures, lapis lazuli was regarded as a holy stone. Particularly in the Middle East, it was thought to have magical powers. Countless signet rings, scarabs and figures were wrought from the blue stone which Alexander the Great brought to Europe. There, the colour was referred to as 'ultramarine', which means something like 'from beyond the sea'.

The most expensive blue of all time: The euphonious name is composed from 'lapis', the Latin word for stone, and 'azula', which comes from the Arabic and means blue. All right, so it's a blue gemstone - but what an incredible blue! The worth of this stone to the world of art is immeasurable, for the ultramarine of the Old Masters is nothing other than genuine lapis lazuli.

Ground up into a powder and stirred up together with binding-agents, the marble-like gemstone can be used to manufacture radiant blue watercolours, tempera or oil-paints. Before the year 1834, when it became possible to produce this colour synthetically, the only ultramarine available was that valuable substance made from genuine lapis lazuli that shines out at us from many works of art today. Many pictures of the Madonna, for example, were created using this paint. But in those days, ultramarine blue was not only precious and so intense that its radiance outshone all other colours; it was also very expensive. But unlike all other blue pigments, which tend to pale in the light, it has lost none of its radiance to this very day. Nowadays, the blue pigment obtained from lapis lazuli is mainly used in restoration work and by collectors of historical paints.

The stone of friendship and truth: Lapis lazuli is regarded by many people around the world as the stone of friendship and truth. The blue stone is said to encourage harmony in relationships and help its wearer to be authentic and give his or her opinion openly.

Imagine

Imagine a bucket
And it’s FULL of water
Up to the very top
And the bucket has dents and cracks
But it remains in one piece
Taking in as much water as possible
Without overflowing
Without losing the battle
Of keeping all it has been given
And all that resides inside.
If the single purpose of the bucket is to not lose the water
Not even a drop
Do you think it would matter,
Would there be a difference
If a big rock
Or a tiny stone
Were to be tossed into the bucket?
Nope
No difference at all
For the result is the exact same
OVERFLOWAGE!
Or possibly the breaking of the bucket.

crow medicine

I love crows.

I always have.

And i have only met a handful of people that don't think I'm weird for loving this bird. The caw of the crow is one of the most calming sounds to me. Can't get enough of it.

Yesterday i met some friends in the park for lunch. As i sat on the sidewalk waiting for them to arrive, 5-6 crows found their way, one by one, to a light post that hung right over me. As i watched them accumulate and as i listened to their sounds, i found myself getting lost in my moment with them. I felt as though they were coming to me, for me.

I believe in animal medicine. I have called on animal medicines many times in my life. I looked up the medicine of crow last night after getting home and it spoke to my heart as i read of it's magic.

I posted the "crow law" below. Enjoy!

Crow Law:

There is a medicine story that tells of Crow’s fascination with her own shadow. She kept looking at it, scratching it, pecking at it, until her shadow woke up and became alive. Then Crow’s shadow ate her. Crow is Dead Crow now.
Dead Crow is the Left-Handed Guardian. If you look deeply into Crow’s eye, you will have found the gateway to the supernatural. Crow knows the unknowable mysteries of creation and is the keeper of all sacred law.

Since Crow is the keeper of sacred law, Crow can bend the laws of the physical universe and “shape shift.” This ability is rare and unique. Few adepts exist in today’s world, and fewer still have mastered Crow’s art of shape shifting. This art includes doubling, or being in two places at one time consciously; taking on another physical form, and becoming the “fly on the wall” to observe what is happening far away.

The Europeans that came to Turtle Island were named the “boat people” by Slow Turtle. Even with the knowledge of alchemy possessed by certain boat people, none had ever seen the powerful shape shifting of shamans who utilized Crow medicine. Many boat people were frightened by what appeared to be animals coming into their camps or dwellings to discern their medicine. Crow medicine people are masters of illusion.
All sacred texts are under the protection of Crow. Creator’s Book of Laws or Book of Seals is bound in Crow feathers. Crow feathers tell of spirit made flesh. Crow is also the protector of the “ogallah” or ancient records.

The Sacred Law Belts, or Wampum Belts, beaded by native women long before the boat people or Europeans came to this continent, contain knowledge of the Great Spirit’s laws, and are kept in the Black Lodges, the lodges of women. The law which states that “all things are born of women” is signified by Crow.

Children are taught to behave according to the rules of a particular culture. Most orthodox religious systems create a mandate concerning acceptable behavior within the context of worldly affairs. Do this and so, and you will go to heaven. Do thus and so, and you will go to hell. Different formulas for salvation are demanded by each “true faith.”

Human law is not the same as Sacred Law. More so than any other medicine, Crow sees that the physical world and even the spiritual world, as humanity interprets them, are an illusion. There are billions of worlds. There are an infinitude of creatures. Great Spirit is within all. If an individual obeys Crow’s perfect laws as given by the Creator, then at death he or she dies a Good Medicine death — going on to the next incarnation with a clear memory of his or her past.

Crow is an omen of change. Crow lives in the void and has no sense of time. The Ancient Chiefs tell us that Crow sees simultaneously the three fates – past, present, and future. Crow merges light and darkness, seeing both inner and outer reality.

If Crow medicine appears in your card spread or physically in your life, you must pause and reflect on how you see the laws of the Great Spirit in relation to the laws of humanity. Crow medicine signifies a firsthand knowledge of a higher order of right and wrong than indicated by the laws created in human culture. With Crow medicine, you speak in a powerful voice when addressing issues that for you seem out of harmony, out of balance, out of whack, or unjust.
Remember that Crow looks at the world with first one eye, then the other – cross-eyed. In the Mayan culture, cross-eyeds had the privilege and duty of looking into the future. You must put aside your fear of being a voice in the wilderness and “caw” the shots as you see them.
As you learn to allow your personal integrity to be your guide, your sense of feeling alone will vanish. Your personal will can then emerge so that you will stand in your truth. The prime path of true Crow people says to be mindful of your opinions and actions. Be willing to walk your talk, speak your truth, know your life’s mission, and balance past, present, and future in the now. Shape shift that old reality and become your future self. Allow the bending of physical laws to aid in creating the shape-shifted world of peace.

Source: Medicine Cards: The Discovery of Power Through Animals by Jamie Sams & David Carson, illustrated by Angela C. Werneke.

sweet dreams

the dream time

is a strange time

a magical time

and i believe it's a time we have shared together

along with our awake time

i have felt us interact in our sleep

we've had conversations

said things to each other we didn't with our eyes open

and last night i felt you

you walked through my dream time

and spoke to me

at a time where silence lives between us

our dreams continue to bring you to me

to talk

to reassure

to help

so until we come back together

as friends only or otherwise

have sweet dreams.

Painting by: Bruce Eisner

earning your life

a single word has made a profound impression on me today.

Earn.

I think about the things i work for in my life and i feel that the situations, people, things and relationships i put energy into are more important to me SIMPLY because i feel as though i have earned them, worked hard to keep and maintain them. The things that are handed to me in my life often times have less value in my heart only because the labor and desire, blood, sweat and tears weren't used to attain them.

Value. Do we place more value on the things we EARN?

I think so.

From now on, i will be earned.

R.I.P

R.I.P

Lauren Anderson died today from a very painful and complicated break of her heart. She was rushed to the hospital last night with chest pain and extreme nausea after being diagnosed with loving someone who simply could not love her back. Her heart was indecisive about how to respond to treatment. A warm bath, essential oils, journaling, beer, wine, crying and conversing with friends was not able to change her mind or change the situation of her impending death. All attempts to save her heart and keep her alive had been tried before and done repeatedly. Her life could have been saved and her heart restored but she took the risk of indulging in amazing moments and loving someone completely over saving herself from the pain of the inevitable heart break. At her time of death it was reported that she felt blessed to have had the opportunity to give her heart completely one last time. She has no regrets....that's what life is all about. She looks forward to coming back to life someday soon and eventually loving again.

gypsy dreams

I want to be a hippie

a gypsy type that lives on the road and travels

to various festivals and places around the world

and sells my paintings

and other little trinkets and toys i will make and create

i have fantasies of dancing

and playing

and experiencing this world

from a perspective

and in a lifestyle

that allows me to be free

and happy

and creative

maybe i feel this way

now

in a moment of wanting to escape

my life

my current reality

OR

maybe it is a part of my spirit

a need i have

that has never been fulfilled

that needs to be

in order to feel content

in any life that should fall upon me afterwards

dancing

i remember you, dance

i remember feeling you

and experiencing you

dancing

spinning

moving

stretching

there was a time in my life

that i felt as though i was designed to move

in a dance

in a rhythm

and to a beat
and at this point in my life

it feels like a distant memory

as i don't dance

or move my body the way i used to

and it's starting to hurt

and ache

i feel desperate
in need of reconnecting
and remembering
how to move
and dance

it's a part of me i want back.

I gotta get my groove back.