i see you

I have seen Avatar twice. For those of you who haven't seen this movie yet, need to immediately.

The story is, among so many other things, a love story about two people that come from two completely different worlds. Their ways of living and existing and loving and understanding are so different from one another and yet, they fall in love. He is a marine veteran that comes from our world. And she is part of the Navi people that live on a planet called Pandora, where the people believe in and experience the connection between everything that surrounds them: the trees, plants, animals, each other, and their creator/higher power. It was an incredibly spiritual experience for me watching them pray, interact, and live together in this far away land. I want to live there.

Throughout the movie they often used an expression, "i see you".

I see you. They say this to one another as a way of acknowledging each other, letting each other know that they SEE them; who the ARE, the things they stand for, their inner being and inner beauty. To really SEE someone means that your vision pushes past the physical body that you see with your eyes and you SEE someone with your heart and soul.

These three words are so profound to me. I would even venture to say that I'd rather someone tell me they "see me" than they "love me". In fact, "i see you" is harder for me to believe than "i love you". I know a lot of people love me, but truly wonder how many people SEE me. And vise versa. I wonder if i actually SEE all the people that i love. These simple three words have me questioning all i ever known about love and the relationships i have. Woah. It makes me dizzy.

...and i can laugh

I am strong because i am weak.
I am beautiful because i know my flaws.
I am a lover because i am a fighter.
I am fearless because i have been afraid.
I am wise because i have been foolish.
And i can laugh because i have known sadness.


....and i can laugh because i have known sadness.

this is how i feel today.
in the midst of being so sad recently, i love the days where my light shines through and i feel content. it's a powerful reminder that things change, progress, and get better even if we aren't actively doing anything to spur on the process...because sometimes there's not much we can do. time will always do what it does: give us space. give us perspective. give us opportunity. and give us hope.

i have a feeling way down deep in my soul, that time will be my best friend and my worst enemy in the next 6 months or so....maybe even my whole life. and knowing in advance how IMPATIENT i am, i know that the roller coaster ride that i've been on isn't going away.....or even slowing down. so i'm strapping on my seat belt and preparing for a bumpy ride. i've warned all my major bodily organs, especially my heart, and i feel ready to endure all of it......all because of days like today.

i trust me more than anyone else on the planet, and to feel me gearing up with excitement and clarity is a precious and amazing moment.

woven

It's hard sometimes
to experience things that make us grow

and learn.

and it's easy

to get so focused on the experience alone

that we lose sight of the larger picture,

the picture that shows us that we are so much more.

we are more than one experience

one moment

or one relationship

we exist

as something that's woven together by everything we go through.

all of our experiences

all of our moments

all of our heartbreaks and triumphs

all of our relationships

they all come together to create who we are

and create the life we live.

i love knowing that you were a part of my "weave"

to remove the threads of you

would change me

and my life

and for as much as it hurts sometimes that i can still see you

my life,

my existance,

and my future experiences will only be more beautiful

because of the colors and texture you have added to me.

so instead of hating you for the rest of my life

this is my attempt

to actually thank you.

Thanks.

Dark Nights of the Soul

Here is a quote from the book Dark Nights of the Soul, by Thomas Moore. It speaks to my heart and i wanted to share it.

"To chose not to love is to chose not to live. Everyone needs to love and be loved. You surrender, and the spell descends, and you get swept away into days and nights of fantasy, memory, longing, and a sensation of loss, perhaps the end of freedom and of a comfortable life. Even if you have had many experiences of painful and unsuccessful love, you don't give up on it. The soul so hungers for love that you go after it, even if there is only the slightest chance of succeeding.

"Some people give up on love, and you see the lifelessness in their faces. The soul craves love, and if you give up on love because it is so difficult, the life will seep out of you like air out of a punctured tire. You will go flat. You may wonder why life has no meaning. You may not realize that meaning is love, and it is love that gives life it's shape and purpose.

"Clearly, love is not about making you happy. It is a form of initiation that may radically transform you, making you more of who you are but less of who you have been. If you don't realize that you are walking on coals and running the gauntlet and surviving the wilderness in quest of a vision--all within the confines of a simple human relationship-- you could be undone by it. Love gives you a sense of meaning, but it asks it's price. It will make you into the person you are called to be, but only if you endure it's pains and allow it to empty you as much as it fills you."

my borrowed quote of the day

"I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes. I'm out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you don't deserve me at my best."
-Marilyn Monroe

This about sums up my thoughts for the day. I'll write more this week.