Love is all that matters

So many things occupy our minds and our lives. We stress over financial obligations. We stress about the cleanliness of our homes. We stress about the economy. We stress about politics. We stress about our health. We stress about everything we encounter in our daily lives. I have had minutes, hours, days, or months ruined due to a horrible driver on the road, overpaying for something at the grocery store, loosing a job or fighting with a friend. I'm not saying that these things aren't valid or worth concern, but what i am saying is that if our perspective could remain on what is truly important, life would probably be a lot easier for us all.

I believe that we are here on this earth to learn nothing other than how to love. I believe we are here on this earth to experience love in all it's many forms. I believe life IS love, and to live a life without love is not really living a life at all.

Almost a week go Deandra Trevino Salem passed away from ovarian cancer.

I did not have the privilege of knowing Deandra as a friend. We have many friends in common, and i knew her husband, Luke, in high school....but i feel like i have lost someone so close to my heart.

I have followed her blog and other personal writings over the past couple years. I've been asked several times if i knew Deandra. Such a hard questions to answer, because my first reaction is, "YES!". I feel like i knew her very well. I feel like i have just lost a good friend of mine, and yet we have not shared any personal time together.

Her story and life ended in the arms of Luke. I try to imagine what that must have felt like for Luke. I can only imagine how painful it must have been, as well an incredible blessing it was to be with her until the very end. After reading the goodbyes, obituary, and talking with friends of ours, I am brought to my own deep and soulful yearning and ache of what this means for me: Love is all that matters.

I think all of us have something to learn from Luke and Deandra. Not just Deandra's fight for life, but for Luke's love and commitment while she fought. Perfection does not exist in any relationship or person, but not many people CHOOSE to love each other so perfectly. Luke and Deandra did.

My prayers go out to Luke, both their families, and the many friends they have.

My hope for everyone reading this: go be with the ones you love. put the phone down. take an afternoon off from work. stop cleaning. go be with the ones you love. make the effort to reconnect with your husband or wife. play with your kids. call an old friend. seek out whatever and whoever brings love and happiness to you. go experience all that really matters in this life - Love.

T R U S T

today i woke up feeling so unsettled.

i hate feeling unsettled.

the past two weeks have been both trying and therapeutic as i have exercised my ability to truly trust. i've actually exceeded my own expectations. i have been calm, positive, optimistic, even excited. but not today. today i feel fear. extreme panic has set in. so i'm mantra-ing myself today; mantra-ing the crap out of myself ALL DAY LONG.

the only way to silence fear is to trust.

trust. i am exactly where i should be right now.

trust. absolutely everything happens for a reason.

trust. the universe always supports our greatest good.

trust. we are all capable of manifesting our dreams, it just takes longer than a week or two; be patient.

trust. trust. trust. trust.

trust.

trust.

trust.

everything will be ok-trust.

trust.

all together now: trust.

trust. trust. trust. trust.

my vow; my life

Life continues to throw things my way, not the warm fuzzy things and feelings we all pray for, but the not so great circumstances that we all dread. On top of my already hectic and strange reality, i now find myself without a job and in the process of trying to find a place to live. The thought that i don't have a job and may find myself living out of my car with my puppy and two birds (soon to be 7 birds due to Mo and Moxie deciding NOW was a great time to make some babies) is slightly overwhelming.

But, as always, in the middle of a shit storm, i find clarity. Or maybe i am in fact crazy and basking in chaos and insanity IS what i do best.

I believe it is true that when you find yourself at a dead end, it's time to find a different road; a new path to walk; a new journey to begin.

I have been traveling a road that is in dire need of repair, as it has been bumpy, to say the very least. And in my search for my different road to walk, ride, or run down, i am surprised at my attitude in choosing which one to take. I no longer want to have a job that simply pays my bills; i want to have a job that i LOVE. I no longer want to live in the urgency and demand and NOISE that fills most of our lives; i want to live a life that is different. I don't want to work my fingers to the bone and put in countless hours per week at work just to make a few extra bucks; i want to live a life that is simple, overflowing with opportunity and freedom.

Does everyone want this? I know it might sound crazy and boastful, but i feel like that is the life i was destined to live. I do not feel that there is anything ordinary about my life, but a small part of me believes that i was not meant for mediocracy. For the first time in a long time, maybe ever, i feel ready to step beyond limitations and the "to do list" of adult responsibility and truly find out what it feels like to be alive.

What being alive and living MY fated life looks like, i don't exactly know yet as the details are still being worked out and revealed to me everyday. I may still end up living in my car with a cocker spaniel and 7 finches, but i am here to solemnly vow that i WILL figure it out. I will be writing again soon.

Sleep well everyone.
Goodnight moon.