To be a Granddaughter

This past week has been filled with so many ups and downs, for me as well as my amazing family. My Grandma had Alzheimer's, and on Friday (1.14.11) she fell and was badly hurt. The following Sunday, we moved her into Hospice and all prepared ourselves for her farewell. This morning at 5:36am my Grandma passed away.

This experience has filled me with many feelings. Although it was hard to see her in the state she is in, there was still something so sweet and angelic about her. Her sweet hands. Her sweet face. Her sweet mumbles. Each time i went to visit her i was tempted to crawl up into bed with her....as that felt completely natural for me. But i couldn't.

During one of my visits, i sat with other family members and we were laughing and telling stories about her and past family memories....and she started to stir. She puckered her lips to give out as many kisses as she could. The only word we could make out was a very distinct NO when she was asked if she was in any pain.

I am brought to tears as i am filled with so much peace. This is when death is beautiful to me. I saw my Grandma bounce in between "worlds" and now i imagine her dancing and singing among the other angels in heaven, she so rightfully belongs with. She truly was an angel on earth.


To my Grandma: To be a Grand Daughter


to be a granddaughter;

to be your granddaughter

means that i was spoiled

and i was loved

beyond all reason and limitation.

when hard times fell upon me

you wrapped me up in your arms

and surrounded me with your loving words.

you brought me laughter

and more giggles than i can count

and you wiped away my tears

continuously

regardless of the amount.

we walked the mountains of our family land

and we shared stories and secrets like we were best friends.

i will be forever grateful

for you

for your lessons

for your optimism

for your love

and for the incredible family that you built.



to be your granddaughter

makes me the luckiest girl in the world.



go be with your angles, Grandma.

go be with our God.

i love you.

i already miss you.



until we meet again,
-your Granddaughter

there is this place

there is this place that exists.
it's a place i dream about
fantasize about
and crave.
it's a place that provides comfort
and protection.

i imagine being lost in this place
and never wanting to leave.

this place
does exists
although i haven't found it
yet.
i've never been there before
but i know what it feels like
to be in this place.
i imagine all the little things
how it might smell
what it feels like...
i will know this place when i find it
when i feel it.

in finding this place
this is what i do know:

it exists between the two of us
without a lot of room
between your elbows
with both arms open
and it dead ends at your body
not letting me pass through.
this place has hands and arms
like a trap door
that closes in on me
and won't let me go.
it hums in satisfaction of me being close.
it needs me
to exist
for without me it doesn't...
it's my place.

i know this place
i just have to find you.